I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
