I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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