i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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