Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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