Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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