i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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