So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
