i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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