I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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