the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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