So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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