All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
