i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
