I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
