Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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