Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
