apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
