what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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