yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
