But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
