we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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