they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Im part way to drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
