I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
