I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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