I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Damn victory sex feels great
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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