Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize