So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
