no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you had me at cake vodka
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
