Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
