I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
try to milk me bitch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
