The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My bed smells like the plague
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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