i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
