who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
