his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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