it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
