dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
