is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
