And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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