I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
