The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
