Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
