if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
