Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
