Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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