hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
