census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
