Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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