would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
