I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
