i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
