My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
