Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
