i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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