Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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