woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
