sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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